Missing Husband:
Two Lawyers:Two lawyers walking through the woods spotted a vicious-looking bear.
The first lawyer immediately opened his briefcase, pulled out a pair of sneakers and started putting them on.
The second lawyer looked at him and said, "Are you crazy? You'll never be able to outrun that bear!"
"I don't have to," the first lawyer replied."I only have to outrun you."
Missing Husband:
A wife went to the police station with her next-door neighbor to report that her husband was missing.
The policeman asked for a description.
She said, "He's 35 years old, 6 foot 4, has dark eyes, dark wavy hair, an athletic build, weighs 185 pounds, is soft-spoken, and is good to the children."
The next-door neighbor protested, "Your husband is 5 foot 4, chubby, bald, has a big mouth, and is mean to your children."
The wife replied, "Yes, but who wants HIM back?"
Just imagine:
Q. Imagine you're in a haunted house with monsters and ghosts surrounding you....how do you survive?
A. Stop imagining!
Bumper Stickers:
Three wishes:
A Government Employee sits in his office and out of boredom,decides to see what's in his old filing cabinet. He pokes through the contents and comes across an old brass lamp. "This will look nice on my mantelpiece," he decides, and takes it home with him. While polishing the lamp, a genie appears and grants him three wishes.
"I wish for an ice cold diet Pepsi right now!"
POOF! He gets his Pepsi and drinks it.
Now that he can think more clearly, he states his second wish.
"I wish to be on an island where beautiful women reside."
POOF! Suddenly he is on an island with gorgeous females eyeing him lustfully. He tells the genie his third and last wish:
"I wish I'd never have to work ever again."
POOF! He's back in his government office.